ALF MABRUK!   ! الف مبروك

 

This is the phrase you will exclaim at a wedding. We were so excited to celebrate the marriage of a very special couple here and attend our first wedding in this country. I have said often that the hardest thing to attend in another culture is weddings and funerals, because the cultural rituals and actions are so deeply embedded and many go unexplained. That being said if you want to really know a culture attending these events is one way to do it!

I’ve attended two weddings in a culture other then my own so this is an incomplete “how to post” for attending a wedding in a passport culture other then your own.

1) Know what the time on the invitation really means 🙂

When the invitation says beginning at x time add 1.5 hrs to x time to arrive “on time”. (this is reliant on the religion and location of the wedding though I learned today). We showed up “right on time” by our passport standard and of course ended up with alot of down time and smiles from the staff at the venue 🙂 (N. Africa)

Our escorts arrived several hours after they had “said” but were “right on time” (we were beginning to wonder if they had forgotten about us) (South Sudan)

 

2) Ask what to wear.

Fortunately we did this, so there were no major wardrobe catastrophes….however if the nice gentleman at the mall would not have helped us there would have been! (N. Africa)

 

Not too bad, however some nice plastic hair clips would have been a big addition to our wardrobe (next time!) (South Sudan)

3) Find out the tradition for what to bring.

No gifts or money unless you are close family (and even then you slip it to the couple quietly). We found this out before showing up laden with bulky gifts thanks to a debrief with my teacher (N. AFrica)

Bring small bills for the dance which you contribute to the bride and grooms new life together (South Sudan)

4) Know who to say goodbye to when you leave.

We carefully observed and departed saying our farewells to the appropriate gendered bride/groom and grandfather/grandmother. Not to say goodbye would have been very rude (N. Africa)

I am not too sure if there was a set farewell here – there were so many people and I didn’t follow up and ask with someone that knew culturally. May never know how big of a mistake was or wasn’t made 🙂 (South Sudan)

5) Participate!

If the groom or bride asks you to dance, do it with enthusiasm, even if it is the “wrong kind of dance” or you cannot do it well. You are showing support for their nuptials (N. AFrica)

Dancing is a big part of celebration. In the Dinka tribe the dance is beautiful and unique and difficult …but do it with gusto and enthusiasm anyway (even if instead of being beautiful like the women below you look like a dying chicken! (South Sudan)

March 2013 dinka wedding-3 from Abuk on Vimeo.

 

6) If your not use to noise be prepared

A loud sound system is for a good party…be ready when the music is playing to not be able to hear each other. (N. Africa and South Sudan)

7) When in doubt follow the crowd

We missed most of the bridal dancing with the live band because we assumed we were to wait in the receiption hall for the bride and groom. We should have stuck with the crowds ! (N. Africa)

Following our hosts around allowed us to see different dance circles and greet the right people otherwise we would have been very lost by the celebrations massive size (South Sudan)

8) Expect the bride to be absolutely stunning!

You don’t need photos to know what I mean by this. No matter what they are wearing or what traditional make up or preparations are used the bride will always be glowing with anticipation and hope.

9) Be prepared to laugh, at yourself!

When Grandma is correcting dance moves, and you block her view during the most important ring ceremony, when your dance looks very very bad and you fumble through an appropriate greeting with the newlywed, when your stared out as the only people/persons out of place in this celebration, show up two hours early, and realize you don’t know what any five year old just instinctively knows what to do…. just be ready to laugh at yourself! – This is simpler to do if you remember that the reason you are there is not to fit in or look like you know what you are doing it is to honor the couple that invited you. Just make your motto to be about them and not you and be ready to laugh at yourself — trust me the evening will be alot more fun 🙂

wedding-7 from Abuk on Vimeo.