I’ve been thinking alot about this past year in this continent we now call home.
I think my thoughts can be best summed up by watching my girls. See they feel so big now, PJ is seven and Flower-girl almost six and they look at how far they have come (compared to D-man) and are quite convinced that makes them all grown up. J– and I find ourselves often reigning them in, no it is not ok to start a coal fire by yourself, no you cannot walk to the store alone, no we are not ready for you to babysit your little brother overnight, no you cannot swim in the Nile yet unwatched…
This past year has highlighted for me (Abuk) how much my spiritual life is like the outlook of a seven year old. I have tried to follow God for most of my life and this means I approach things often feeling, “grown up” in my faith, service and love. This past year has highlighted for me how little I still am.
The biggest lessons and struggles for me have been trusting God with the unknown, seeking him first and not the approval or happiness of others, trusting him with my family…all things I thought I could do well.
See for me living on this continent has done the most for helping me see a bit more clearly how far I am from the goal, how much I still need His grace to trust, to obey, to love well.
I guess I got a bit disoriented looking at how far I had come and lost sight of how far there was to go. So today I am thanking God for His grace that smiles down on me when I think I am “bigger” then I am and lovingly steers me toward Truth, gives me opportunities to grow in love, in faith, in grace and doesn’t leave me in my infancy. There is still so much God must do in me to make me a better reflection of Himself and no one else I’d rather have correct, guide and refine me to get there…
In the words of CS Lewis, “Further up and Further In!”
3 thoughts on “…and then I realized how little I was…”
Loved reading this! A great insight! Love you and praying for you.
I’ve had similar thoughts, but love to look at it from the other perspective too. I think the excitement and big deal we make over a child learning to walk or being potty trained – as though no one in the world has ever accomplished something so amazing before! – shows how God sees us too, when we try so hard to love Him with all we are, but still fall so short of HIS kind of love because, like you say, we’re still so little. But I think He sees our attempts and cheers for the steps we’re taking – though never allowing us to stay right there, but to grow up to achieve the next milestone.
I see this as the value of family, of community. Living alone is a whole new challenge. I will be more mindful of keeping myself accountable to my community of women.
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