Living overseas – 10 things that are different about us –

This was inspired by this fun little post a friend sent  me link to. This author got me thinking about what things have changed for us these past two years. I think each ex-pat could have their own unique list and each of you could create a list too…change doesn’t always happen when we live in a different place it happens when you live life. These past few years have been our life, not merely a trip so the activities of paying rent, shopping, getting visas, working and navigating cultures have changed us in ways that living life changes anyone…and it was fun to sit down together and think about how.

1) We are pleasantly surprised when things go “as planned” and it doesn’t really bother us when they don’t  –  We use to plan that when an appointment was made or a task needed to be done that it would be done in a certain time frame. A routine run to the airport involving a broken car, catching rides on trucks and using your flashlights as headlights and arriving home after dark without any water and covered in mud…expected. Gathering all your paperwork to apply for visas just to discover the person behind the window is wanting a different thing then you have so you have to go to another line and three hours later you exit without visa in hand…expected. Living as an expat anywhere means adjusting to doing things differently then you assume and cause you to develop new assumptions. The other day I went to the store and came back with the items I was hoping to purchase. It was a shocking encounter for me instead of a normal one. A common phrase at our house, “honey I am going to (insert common task here) so I have no idea when I’ll be back…” but this no longer becomes a negative thing but just part of enjoying life here.

2) Sometimes we cannot think of the proper word to speak in our native tongue I know this sounds so weird but sometimes I simply cannot think of what a good equivalent word is in my native tongue for a word I’ve learned and used alot here. When I went back stateside for a wedding this past year I found myself saying rather creepy and bizarre things such as “you are welcome to enter the bathroom” (اتفضل) or unsure what certain fruits and vegetables native to this part of the world were in english equivalents. My children have the same issue. One day Flower-girl said “أُمي بصي” and I commended her for using her Arabic. She looked at me and said, “is there a word for that in English?”  I am teaching English to a student here once a week and she pointed to an item (الثلاجة) and asked what it was in English. It took me a good embarrassing 30 seconds to remember that it is called a refrigerator because I hadn’t uttered that particular word in almost a year (oops!)

3) Our kids find things “normal” that we do not (or we think of things that are normal that they don’t) This has been the oddest for J– and I to grasp that things that we consider part of our identity are simply not for our kids. Bits of knowledge that we used to assimilate the world growing up just aren’t a part of our kids daily lives (especially our boys) The other day we were watching a television cartoon where the character was safely buckled in a car set. My four year old exclaimed, “why are they locking him in the car!” I had to explain that it was a car seat and alot of people rode in cars in them.  There was another time I was trying to encourage skype conversations with my parents and encouraged the kids to tell about the big open air market, where we tromped through mud, bartered and sorted through big bins of beans and spices and stepped over chickens and turkeys to get some groceries. My daughter sighed and said, “it was just a normal market mom…”.

4) Time looks differently and has a different value I remember a time where I planned play dates and vacations days (sometimes weeks ) in advance. Holidays were planned months ahead and we had a five year “plan” for our family. Fast forward to now. Advanced planning means knowing where we plan to  live in three months and play dates and coffee gatherings are planned hours and minutes ahead of time instead of days. There is great value in the west about being busy and great value in planning well in advance when we want to connect (it gives value to the person that in advance you will set aside time for them). Here there is a great value in being in the moment in having coffee right now showing that the importance of that person is greater then whatever needs you had planned. We have found we value time differently as well, while we are here and enjoy the unexpected elements that relationships add to our day. Also a side benefit is that I rarely plan holidays until a few days or at most two weeks in advance leaving me more time to live in the moment.

5) Connections are the way to garner information and not necessarily your internet connection J– needed to rent a car. His best source was not the internet, or walking to the car rental place down the street it was talking to the man we were renting an apartment from who called his friend who called his friend who met J– in another city to rent a car. He tried all the options but of course the best one was by talking to folks we know the good old fashion way, using words and expressions and of course drinking tea.  It is all about who you know and the connection of people carries much greater value in business then online presence or ratings.

6) The value of possessions is measured in its ability to fit in suitcases … and its weight Yea we really love that (insert item here) but how much does it weigh? OK that has value but does it fit into our suitcase allowance? We used to say if we hadn’t used something in a year it was time to pass it on to help keep clutter down now it is all about weight and mass and not necessarily its value or usability. We may use something everyday but if it doesn’t fit into our suitcases it has to go! The downside to this is that our possessions are currently spread out over two continents and four countries so I have no idea what I actually own …

7) We mainly operate on a cash basis – and usually have in our possession five types of currency 14 guinea, 2 dollars, 170 shillings, 1.6 euros, and 5.5 SSP are all the same amount and we know this without calculating in our head and can quickly recognize coins and bills by color, weight and size. It is a bit odd to open our cash box and sort through five currencies to find the one we need to operate in that day. The strangest thing about this is that it doesn’t really seem that odd to us, unless we sit back and think about it.

8) It is note worthy when all of us are stomach bug/parasite free at the same time and not the other way around It seems some parasite, or worm or bug takes up residence in one of us at any given time. Instead of stopping life we have just adjusted to living life with, well abdominal abnormalities. We treat, and become re-infected and then re-treat a variety of things that my husband is quick to point out would kill us in the “Oregon trail game”.  A noteworthy conversation for us is not really that we are struggling from a stomach something but that we are (eight of us including the cats) ALL worm/parasite stomach grossness free.

9) We know what our sweat tastes like The taste of sweat, the feel of sweat and sweat dirt trails around our faces are daily occurrences. Coming from a colder region of our passport country this has been a big change. I cannot remember the last time I wore a coat and my husband says that after two years of living around the Sahara he had not gone a day without sweating. He even wants me to write that again as he sits here….every day…

10) We can navigate basic questions and greetings in five different languages It is fun to think that just two years ago we were limited to three languages to greet in. Now we can navigate greetings in a few more and it explodes relationships and smiles as well as confusion when we mix them all together. Asking how many kids we have, or the weather, or simply giving a simple greeting. We can confidently respond back in one of five languages and sometimes even use the correct pronouns. The problem is figuring out when to use which language. My two year old is the expert he can say كايف, Habari gani, or how are you just based on your appearance and will correctly respond with تَمام, Nzuri or good. J– and I navigate the changes with much less grace. The problem here is in some of our weaker languages we may jump and throw 2-3 words from another language into the conversation. I am not quite sure what makes our brains think when we are searching for a word that any word in any language will jump the communication gap…

And a few bonuses

We have eight different phone numbers for folks to contact us with depending on what country we are living in or visiting…

I have no idea how to spell, do I pick the British spelling or the American one…

Your turn. What’s changed for you over the last few years?