Paperdolls

“Dad!!! Did you bring my paper dolls?” Flower-girls eyes were huge as she jumped up and down. J– had just returned from Melut and had brought with him a few belongings of ours that could fit in his suitcase. He chose the few items that seemed the most irreplaceable, and neither of us thought paper dolls quite fit that category, we didn’t even know they held any value in her little heart. My mind flashed to a year ago…

A not so thin coat of water coated our cracked cement floor in South Sudan turning our tiny pre-fab into a type of ice skating rink as water ran down the roof and walls and onto the floor. In an attempt to keep children from cracking their heads as it poured I put the boys down for an early nap and while they snoozed to the sound of the rain the girls and I opened a paper doll kit that had been mailed to us and begin working on the dining room table. I felt like crying, hours of mop work awaited me when the rain stopped and things were getting wetter by the minute. The girls joyfully squealed as each piece was cut out. I glued and we talked and the rain stopped, and the boys slept and we kept working. Just a brief moment in time, a snapshot of a stressful situation and my girls oblivious to my stress enjoying crafting with me.  Eventually my amazing husband installed a second roof and the rain stayed on the outside of our home (mostly) but the paper doll fun continued each rainstorm as the girls added to their little collection and kept them safely away from one year old hands in a plastic drawer in their room.

Tears welled up in Flower-girls eyes as she listened to her Dad tell her that he had not brought the paper dolls with him. “I loved them, she sighed…I really miss Melut.“. I found her in her bedroom with a tear streaked face holding one tiny paper dress that had been wedged in a bin J– had brought home. We cried together, talked about want and needs and that even though she didn’t “need” that paper to be happy it didn’t take away the sadness of wanting it. We mourned the sadness, and all that little doll represented that had been left behind. We hugged and  she fell asleep. I checked on her later that night, snuggled under a quilt, her head resting on her pillow, her curls falling around her face and her thumb in her mouth.

I love Flower-girl and each of my children dearly and it truly breaks my hearts to see them hurting, not because paper dolls are important but this life is just so full of grief. I know I cannot keep them from experiencing it, and I wouldn’t want to rob them of the lessons and comforts they will experience through tears but there are times where my heart breaks with them over paper dolls, and all that they represent, all that has so swiftly change, the homes we left behind, the people we no longer see and the paper dolls that are probably now buried in dust in a little plastic drawer.

Two days later our director arrived, carrying with him two boxes that had been lovingly packaged five months prior from the homeschool group we were a part of in our passport country. They had arrived in Kenya a few months ago and we thought we would not receive them until we visited in January, but when he came for a visit he was able to bring them with him.  The girls and I finished our school work and sat down to open the box.

We carefully removed each item from the box, it was full of goodies, maps, whiteboards, school supplies. Suddenly Flower-girl squealed and we were both overwhelmed with emotion. She lifted out of the box the exact same paper doll kit that we had assembled in Melut! She squealed again with joy and we examined it together. We just took in the happiness that was that little book letting all the joy in her little heart well over with squeals and exclamations of delight and disbelief. Then we talked together…there was only one person we could think of that knew how much Flower-girl loved that little doll set, that knew when the pangs of leaving it behind would be felt and that knew it wasn’t needed but wanted so very dearly. There is only one being that was capable of directing loving hands months and months prior* to place that kit in a box package it up and send it to a country where it would sit for several months waiting to come into North Africa. There is just one God that could prompt our director to throws those packages in an already heavy bag and bring them to us without knowing their contents.

Flower-girl summed it up best, she exclaimed, “Wow! Mom God really loves me!!!”.

Somehow typing this story does it no justice, the words fall flat of the emotion of this entire experience. Our active and present God, the God of Hagar who sees and is not limited by time truly does love us, in ways that far extend paper dolls, slippery floors and a sad little heart. He loves us enough to orchestrate not just our needs, but our wants in such a way that we can step back and be awed by His care and concern. He moved faithful hands to purchase and package a book, a book about paper dolls and then took that little book and used it to announce, or rather, to proclaim His love and tenderness to a six year old child, and her mother. We didn’t need those dolls to be happy, but those dolls reminded us of the love God has for us, not just our needs, but our wants.

The desk in her bedroom is sticky from glue and a little paper doll boutique has taken over all the empty desk space. I sat down in the chair at the desk and read from John. Flower-girl sighed as she snuggled under her covers, and softly whispered, “Mom, I know God loved me enough to die for me because he sent me the dolls…”

He has given us far greater things then paper dolls, His love has been demonstrated in more powerful ways then a perfectly timed packages to remind us of a slippery floor day activity, but He redeems paper dolls to remind us of the bigger love He has for us by meeting our wants in order to showcase our need for Him and how He meets our needs with the outstretched arms of His sacrifice. His love didn’t stop that day on the cross, and each loving act and compassion helps point us back to who He is, this dear friends is such amazing grace.

Because of the Lord’s great love we are not consumed, for his compassions never fail. They are new every morning; great is your faithfulness.

-Lamentations 3:22-23

* a special thanks to so many that have lovingly sent us things, there have been so many times a not written on dried fruit, or a package of beef jerkey has done for our family what these paper dolls have. God has used your hands and sacrifice to showcase His love. Thank you. *